Celebrating through the hard times and the good

Life is still happening – the good, the bad, and the ugly – but in today’s climate, it seems we’re only able to publicly acknowledge the bad and the ugly without judgement. So, if you need it, I’m here to give you permission to celebrate during COVID.   

Exactly one year ago today I got engaged.

Precisely six months from today I will be getting married 🤞🏻❤️.

AND just one week ago, I finally bought my wedding dress.

Unsure of what November will look like, I had been postponing purchasing my dress. My mind would go crazy with all sorts of questions I couldn’t answer. No one could.

Will the world re-open in time? What if everything re-opens and things get bad again? What if we end up having a Zoom wedding in our apartment, would I still want the same dress? What if the economy goes belly up? What the heck is my body going to look like after quarantine?!

There was also a small part of me… No. Let me be honest with myself. There was a HUGE chunk of me that felt something had been taken from me – the full experience. I was missing out on the pampering, the champagne, the joyful tears, the oohing and aahing, the hugging, the doting, all of it, and I felt cheated.

And so, I delayed. Perhaps naively holding onto hope that world was on the verge of re-opening for good and that might give me permission and some insight into what my next step should be.

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” –Marilyn Monroe

For most brides, buying your wedding dress is a big deal. I’m not really one of those brides, but under the circumstances this purchase ended up representing so much for me.

When I finally made the decision to press on and purchase my dress, I was blindsided with the news that the specific dress I wanted to buy had been discontinued. Gut punch!

This time I started to tell myself the stories I needed to hear to suppress any feelings of disappointment or sadness.

Well it just wasn’t meant to be. I probably shouldn’t spend that money now anyway. Who knows what’s happening in the world or what the economy will be like by November? Was it really THE dress for me? This is clearly a sign that it wasn’t the right one.

And then I noticed this ache, deep in my heart. I tried to turn the volume up on the stories in my head, loud enough for my heart to hear, but my heart wasn’t having it. It shared a message back to my head that it yearned for that dream it had started to dream the moment I put the dress on. You see, last year I had a tip from a friend of mine that I needed to start looking for my dress early because some companies can take up to 8-10 months to make a dress. Yikes!

So, it was last June that my heart found THE dress. But now, in this moment of grief and loss, my heart reminded my head of the perfect wedding she had dreamed up - and my head started to yearn too.

Individually, the mind or the heart can be powerful, but woah, when they work together, magic! A day later, after a whirlwind of emotions, I got an email, the company had spoken with its Production team and they were going to make THE dress, MY dress.

In that moment, this dress symbolized something new for me – hope.

When I made the final purchase, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops (aka post on social media) and tell my whole story of why I had waited so long, how I almost missed the chance to get THE one, and then finally celebrate my joy once I bought it; but, I resisted. Why? Fear. I was afraid of being judged for celebrating during such a difficult time. So I pushed that feeling inside and went on with my day-to-day. I pushed it so far inside that I forgot to tell most of my girlfriends that I bought my wedding dress!

[In fact, side note to my friends reading this, some of you might only just be learning about this!! I’m so sorry! A potential bride-to-be faux pas. But that’s how uncomfortable I felt about celebrating it.]  

And then, a few days later I got another message from the universe, in the form of a Facebook post from a friend: WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT by Nicki Peverett.

“So, friends, we are not in the same boat. We are going through a time when our perceptions and needs are completely different.

Each of us will emerge, in our own way, from this storm. It is very important to see beyond what is seen at first glance. Not just looking, actually seeing.

We are all on different ships during this storm experiencing a very different journey.” --Nicki Peverett

This post gave me permission to feel into a piece of me that I was pushing deep inside. Feelings that were surrounded by shame because it seemed so trivial compared to everything else that’s going on. But the truth is, how we are feeling is true and honest, and we should be allowed to express all of it.

I know, for some, this will seem tone-deaf and perhaps a petty thing to write about, especially when people are losing their jobs and losing the ultimate battle with Corona. And yes indeed, there are much bigger issues in the world right now, and when and whether or not to buy a wedding dress should be the least of anyone’s worries.

But, for everyone planning a wedding this year, I feel your pain. During what should be a very joyous and exciting time, COVID-19 has draped a dark and uncertain shadow over all of us, and it really sucks. So in those moments where you have something to celebrate – do it! Scream if from the social media rooftops and let others share in your joy as well.

And for all brides-to-be, enjoy this time, despite the uncertainty. Love is not cancelled, so don’t let this pandemic ruin this moment for you.

When times are tough, celebrating happy moments reminds us what the frontline workers are fighting for – the good times behind us and the better times to come. So, at the end of COIVD, as Fatboy Slim said in one of my favorite music videos of all time: “We’ve come a long, long way together. Through the hard times and the good. I have to celebrate you, baby. I have to praise you like I should.” (Another side note: This song will now be added to the wedding playlist!!!)

Photograph by @foundinflorida Thank you for capturing magical moments last year during a weekend filled with lace, glitter, champagne and gold flakes! (PS, this ain’t the dress!! 😉)