Stop denying your inner Rockstar!
Sitting in a coffee shop, I hear a young girl announce: “OK everybody! Pay attention!” I look up from my laptop, braced and ready for whatever magnificence is about to unfold before me.
If you have ever been to Devoción (the Flatiron location in Manhattan), you will most likely have noticed the ‘stage-like’ window seat, which is where this budding entertainer situated herself for her debut performance. However, within seconds of her introduction, the girl’s father ‘Shhhh’d’ her and told her to “Get down!”
I can understand where her father was coming from. Like myself, there were others in the coffee shop tapping away on laptops or in mid-conversation with the person across from them. Perhaps it would have been too disruptive or the father felt that his parenting style was being judged.
OR, had her father let her continue, just maybe, this little girl’s performance could have brightened everyone’s day and ended in a loud applause, acknowledging her skills and bravery.
Witnessing this moment got me thinking, not about parenting styles (I am by no means an expert there), but about authenticity. Will that little girl continue to be brave and stand up in front of crowds of people to express her true authentic self, or will moments like this slowly eat away at her gumption?
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be, and embracing who we are.”
Brené Brown (Love her! “If you don’t know, now you know!”) defines authenticity as, “the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be, and embracing who we are.” To live a truly authentic life is a gift we can give ourselves, freedom to be who we want to be, to love ourselves fully and unconditionally, and to love others without judgment. So why aren’t we living our most authentic lives?!
We start our journey in life with no rules, no restrictions, no limiting beliefs; then, gradually, over time — lesson by lesson, critique after critique — our adult self is formed. Welcomed or not, we are told how we “should” be by parents, teachers, media, society (the list goes on), and unconsciously (or consciously) we become fearful of contesting such directive.
So we step into the adult world, worried, or (dare I say) frightened, about whether we will be accepted or not.
In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz writes, “Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans. We have learned to live our lives trying to satisfy other people’s demands. We have learned to live by other people’s points of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else.”
If I were that little girl, I’d like to think that I’d start belting out my ballad, regardless of my father’s disapproval and before being strong armed off the stage. But who am I kidding? I would have immediately sat down and quickly learned that singing does not happen in coffee shops. I’m not saying we should have all disobeyed our parents, but I am saying now is the time to look within and reconnect with that inner rockstar.
I can ask you plain and simple: “Are you living in fear of being you?”
And your answer might be, “I’m not afraid to be me.”
But fear of being accepted isn’t the only indication of inauthenticity. Have you ever wondered whether you were good enough for something? Imposter Syndrome can also affect your ability to be your true self, and eventually you start to exhibit signs of dissatisfaction or anxiety. You will start to feel stuck in someone else’s body and exhausted because you’re playing a role that doesn’t quite feel right.
It is in this disoriented space that you need to ask if you are living in fear, and then ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” Identifying the fear is the first step in addressing it.
Sometimes fear will take over and prevent us from looking within and doing the hard work to reconnect with our true self, so here are three steps to help get you closer to living an authentic life.
1. Tune in to who you are and what you value most. Write a list of your personal values. Think about what is most important to you. When do you feel most fulfilled? When do you feel most angry (it could be because one of your values is not being upheld)? When you have the final list, next to each value, on a scale of 1–10 (10 being the highest), rate how well you’re living true to those values today. This is a great start to your exploration of your values. Keep digging deeper and, for the values that you are not upholding, challenge yourself to write down 3 things you will do to live true to that value(s) AND 3 things you will stop doing that have not been serving your value(s).
2. Tune into what you want. Complete the Wheel of Life exercise. This tool typically helps to evaluate the balance of your life, and through that process it helps you understand where you feel most fulfilled, and where you might need more love/attention/courage.
3. Go deeper. Challenge yourself to explore authenticity at an even deeper level. Sometimes it takes another person to hold up a mirror for your self reflection, so find that support (a coach, therapist, mentor), and use it to courageously (and honestly) open up to your real self.
“They said I could become whatever I want. So I became Me.”
— Kavita Mahapatra
I’m not sure what that little girl in the coffee shop was going to do. Maybe she was going to recite a monolog, put on a magic show, rock-out, dance, or teach us something new — whatever ‘It’ was, I hope she found a new stage for her performance, because she deserved to sing it loud, and we deserve to hear what she has to say — after all, that’s how we live our happiest life!
Interested in further reading about authenticity? Check our these couple links:
https://verilymag.com/2016/08/the-power-of-vulnerability-shame-authenticity-brene-brown-ted-talks
https://thriveglobal.com/stories/how-to-find-your-authenticity/